


Do You Still Love Me?

by candyxcane



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot, Reader Insert, i also posted this on my tumblr, im bad at tagging, kylo ren being kylo ren, y/n is the name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 14:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5669287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candyxcane/pseuds/candyxcane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loving can hurt sometimes, but maybe in order to move on you should let go of someone you love. Ben Solo is gone, but his love for the reader stays the same, but is that enough to make her stay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Still Love Me?

Y/N thought she knew what she got herself into when she accepted Ben Solo request to join him into the dark side. She was purely wrong. Maybe she knew what exactly she got herself into, but decided not to believe it because she was deeply madly in love with the man she thought she knew. He was a loving man until the dark side consumed him.

Years after years passed by, the amount of numbers of falling victims of Kylo Ren increased as she watch helplessly. The man she loved killed more than hundreds of men, women, and children. Maybe she was naive to think that there’s still a light inside him, but how could she not? every time she looked at him, he was just the old Ben Solo she knew, not Kylo Ren. She was far in deep with this. She needs to get out of it.

Maybe Kylo Ren sees it too, the way her eyes doesn’t shine as bright as she used to or how her smile never reached her eyes, not even when she smiled at him. Her soul died along the way as he became more powerful.

“ _I love you, Y/N,_ ” His voice ringing through her ears as it was the only thing she ever heard in years, infact she doesn’t even remember when the last time he said it.

It’s becoming a regular thing for her, _his_ voice inside her head.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Y/N screamed at the four dark colored walls, holding her ears as it was going to bleed.

“Are you okay, _my love_?” Kylo Ren asked as he walked inside to room to see Y/N sitting in the corner of the room, holding her ears as she rocked back and forth.

One of the stroomtrooper called for him, telling him that Y/N has been yelling and locked herself in _their_ shared bedroom.

“No, Ren. You know I’m not,” Her voice sounded cold and foreign in his ears. “You keep me around here like I’m your pet, is that why you asked me to join you, Kylo Ren?”

He struggled to open his mouth, but couldn’t. “Tell me, do you still love me?”

“Y-yes,” His voice cracked at the short answer he gave her.

“Then leave the dark side with me, Ren. We could have the life we always wanted. I couldn’t stand and watch this any longer,”

“No,” His voice are calm and stern. He didn’t want to leave the dark side even though he could feel the light calling for him. He didn’t want it. _He is fine the way he is._

Y/N nodded her head in understanding as she lift herself up walking past him towards the door. Her chest tighten up, she could feel a tears forming under her eyes. She didn’t want to do this. She really don’t.

“Where are you going?”

“I need some space, just like what you want. Space,”

She left him there standing alone with his misery. A part of him wanted to run and apologize, _but that what Ben Solo would do_. He pulled out his light saber and trashed the desk instead, _that what Kylo Ren would do_.

On the other side of the room you were walking very fast down the hallways, with a look that make a stroomtroopers walked away from your direction, in their eyes Y/N is nothing like their master, but feared her anyway. Ignoring General Hux and Captain Phasma calls, they shared a weird look, not liking where this is going. General Hux knows what to do, he walked away with heavy sigh to check on Kylo Ren and the thing(s) he destroyed.

Y/N have no where to go, but the forest. She wished she could just take a ship and left, but she probably would get her ass handed to her if her _boyfriend_ found out. Boyfriend, that sound really weird, she thought. The word seems very strange in her tongue, is he still her boyfriend after all this time? Are they even together? All the question running to her head, she walked further into the forest. She watched as the snow fall into her hair, sighing, she laid down on the ground covered with snow, closing her eyes to think. It’s like a movie flashing behind her eyes. The snow dropped evenly along with the tears she’s been holding on for God know’s how long.

During her way back to the base, _she knew her decision has been made even if it’s going to kill her._

“Where have you been?” Y/N was greeted by the loud muffled voice filled with worries of her soon-to-be ex-lover.

She smiled at him, “Hello, Ren. Maybe if you looked close enough without that mask, you’ll find me,”

A sound of an air released indicating that he took of his mask. Oh, how she wish she could see him one last time without the mask. But for some reason she couldn’t even look him in the eyes. Maybe that’s because _her plan was to leave him._

“Look at me, Y/N,” His voice sounded sad, she wanted to look at him and hug, but instead she stared at the walls with a tears running down her face.

“Why couldn’t you look at me?”

“You remind me so much of him,”  Her voice is breaking with every words she said.

He took her right hand to his cheek, with the same eyes that made her fell in love with him all over again, “ _Ben Solo loves you and so do I, Y/N,_ ”

“I know and that’s why I couldn’t do this anymore,” Y/N said, dropping his hands. “I’m leaving. Please, If you love me let me go,” Y/N voice barely audible, but for him it’s like the loudest scream he could ever heard.

His eyes starting to water, how could you let go of something that you love? He didn’t want to let go. Anger and sadness started to clouded his judgment. “You can’t go! You told me you’d love me and will stay with me through every obstacle of our lives!” His loud voice caused her to jump, and he put you on the choke hold, “You said nothing will stand in our way,” his voice started to softened when he realized what’s really going on. He dropped his hand and muttered word of sorry to Y/N. Y/N, the love of his life is leaving. The word leaving keep repeating in his head like a virus.

“No, no, no!” He yell, trashing another thing with his light saber, Y/N winced. She knew, she was never fit for the dark side, she chooses to leave the light side for him, she didn’t want to let him go alone. So, why now?

“Please, stop _Ben_ ,” Y/N said, calling his real name stopped him. It’s been years since she called him that, it feels weird, but right at the same time.

“Why do you want to leave, Y/N?” He said, eyes filled with pain looking right through her with tears rolling on his face, “ _People leave because they don’t love them anymore, tell me the truth, do you still love me_?”

Y/N’s throat went dry, she didn’t know what to answer. Truth to be told, she didn’t know whether she still love him or not. She still did. He’s not the man she fell in love with, with ever will power she had, she opened her mouth to utter the words that’s going to kill him inside, “ **Then maybe I don’t,** ”

His heart aches when he heard those four words coming out of Y/N mouth, ~~_then maybe I don’t_~~. He wanted to throw up, it hurts so bad. He wanted the pain to stop, with one last look he left the room. Kylo Ren killed the image of Ben Solo only to be killed by his one true love.

Little did Kylo Ren know, she lied. She still love him, so much it hurts. She said those words to push him away, she couldn’t handle the pain he caused. There must be a sacrifice, even if it’s going to kill them.

That day, when she left Kylo Ren learned something, _you don’t destroy the people you love._ But, it’s too late now. He lost her and there’s nothing he could do. So, he pushed the thought deep into the corner of his brain.

–

“Do you miss him?” The best pilot in the resistance asked Y/N, both started to become friends when she first arrived.

When she left, she had nowhere to go, but the resistance base. She had no idea that they would welcomed her with an open hand or kill her for betraying her parents and everyone. Princess Leia or now General Organa gladly accepted her and in no time Y/N started training as their fighter. Y/N has been trained to fight since she was a child, especially knowing the history of her family and how force-sensitive she was. ~~_Maybe that’s why he keep her around, she thought._~~

“Yes, I do miss him so much,” she said, sad frown forming on her face. Oh, how she missed him so much.

“Do you think people change?”

Poe Dameron shrugged his shoulder, “I’d like to believe people change, but maybe they don’t. If you have a chance to be with him again would you?”

Y/N sighed, of course she would, with eyes full of hope she said, “I would love to forget all that pain and go back to him. I would love to forgive everything that he’s done,“

Poe nodded his head in understanding, he knows how much she loved him just by the way she talked about him. Her eyes would shine and she would smile as she remembered the distance memories. She talked about him like he was the only star in the sky. There’s only a few times he remember Y/N talked about him badly, but all of the bad things Kylo Ren did seems forgotten once she talked about the little things he did.

_**Everything is fair in love and war.** _

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Um, idk about this? Sorry if there's a mistake and my grammar sucks, I'm not from english speaking country. Feedback would be appreciated :)


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